Way hay I got it.
in micropython you use
i2c.writeto_mem(0x45, 0x00, b'\x01')
to set the mode and then
i2c.writeto_mem(0x45, 0x10, b'\x01')
i2c.writeto_mem(0x45, 0x10, b'\x00')
to turn each pin off and on it digital mode.
And I can conform that the EXT I/O 2 and the ExtI/O stamp are the same units!